The Journey Part 1 - page 2

 "The Goddess doesn't enter in from the outside. We must look instead inside ourselves. She will emerge from that deep place within us. She will never be held back by what has happened to her in the past..She is born in Love and nurtured by a higher way of thinking.She is created and sustained by the hard work of personal growth..."


Most of us know from experience how the effects of childhood traumas are far reaching. I perpetually attracted into my life the same abandonment, loneliness, and abuse over and over that characterized my childhood. I repeated the same cycle for years after I reached adulthood. When I was in my early 20's I knew something was really wrong with me and I couldn't stand the pain any longer.

 I broke down one evening and found myself on the  floor thrashing around, crying hysterically. Inside I was crying out for help but I knew there was no one to turn to for that help. I didn't know how to get help. After hours of struggling with the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, I stopped crying and just laid there motionless. After getting my emotions under control I knew I would have to search for a way to help myself out of the pain. Like everything else I had done since I was very young, I knew that I'd have to do this alone too.

I cried out to the universe to please help me. It wasn't too long after that, when I was led by some unseen force to a place called Laguna Beach. I went from being a dancer in Night clubs to being a 'hippie' literally overnight. I just reinvented myself.

For a lot of people the hippie movement was a big party. For me It was the
point where I began my own personal Vision Quest, a Spiritual Journey. It was when I began to find out who I was. I studied many religions and one of the common threads that ran through all of them was the need to know who you are. Even the Bible says "know thyself" and this knowledge would set you free.

Start by asking yourself what aspects of your childhood  do you feel are affecting you behavior and life in general?

If you were beaten as a child, abandoned, ignored too often, molested, put down verbally or mentally, or made funof by all the kids at school, or witnessed someone die and not understood it, or maybe too much responsibility was placed on you too young, or countless other terrible things that can happen to a child when they are too young to fight back, defend themselves or understand.

All of these things will have profound affects on your personality and your behavior towards yourself and others, on how you treat your children, on how you treat your partner or why you don't have one.
 Maybe you always want all the attention, or you have low self esteem and have retreated into a lonely self made world (or should I say prison) of your own making.
 Maybe you don't love yourself or know how to love others, or you are too hung up on promptness or structure, or you are too loose and unpredictable, or have no sense of responsibility, or too angry, or too in  a hurry all the time, or expect yourself to be too perfect, or expect others to be too perfect, or you always want to change others or control them.

 Are you mean and cruel? Or don't want anyone to tell you what to do, or hate having anyone control you, or too independent to accept help from others or anyone else's  humanness in a living arrangement. Maybe you are selfish to a fault, or judgmental, or cold and aloof, or too emotional, or too serious, or you don't take anything serious enough.

All of these traits will affect your life and  your progress in becoming a more spiritual person.

Next ask yourself what are things about yourself that annoy others? This one is a little tough because, if others never tell you honestly then you may not know, but you can sometimes sense these things.
 Do you talk too much, get angry too easily at your friends and family members, do people feel that you judge everything they are saying? Do you come across too pushy or controlling? Do others think you are too full of yourself, do you pick everything someone is telling you apart and negatize everything, are you too optimistic or too positive all the time for the liking of your friends, or too pessimistic?

There are all kinds of questions you can ask yourself. Another one being what are your fears? This is a 'biggie' because in your fears lies much of what you need to work on.

What makes you angry? You'd be surprised at how much you find out about what you need to work on as a person by knowing what makes you angry. Much of what makes us angry are mirrors for us to show us what we need to see in ourselves.

Now would be the time to start a journal and make a list of these things so you can keep track of them and review them when necessary as you go through this process. It also helps later as you begin to heal wounds and face fears and change as you grow into a new way of being and looking at your life to see your progress.

This all may seem silly or senseless to you, but I can tell you that all healing starts with knowing these things about yourself. And healing means getting out of the old pain you've been living with for so long. Is a little bit of work worth that?
You got to want this so bad, want to get out of the pain you are in so bad that you will do whatever it takes, or it will never happen.....

'All humans have been given the mission of healing themselves and the conflicts in their lives. We are each being asked to tend to our own personal healing. We are all responsible for working very hard on ourselves and sharing our discoveries and personal healing with others, as I hope to do in these pages.'

 I know that I have learned the same lessons I am writing about and new ones daily. I grow and change; I fall on my face; I laugh and cry because I see no fault in being human. I get angry with myself, I become determined, I find creative solutions to the questions I pose to myself, and then I move forward again.

The long and arduous journey we all agreed to take on this Earth Walk is difficult, but it can be filled with joy. It is my intent to use the wisdom and abilities I've learned finding my own way out of the pain I lived with for far too long, to assist any reader wanting that for themselves.

You can choose to see your challenges or to deny the messages presented in these writings, because we all have free will.....However if you choose to deny or not remove those barriers that keep you from evolving, you will stagnate and continue living in a self made hell.

Trusting in this process and the tools that will be available to you for your own personal progress can, if worked with heartfelt commitment, lead you through the fires of your own fears. The pain of moving through your illusions is always replaced by the joy of Internal Peace when you have the courage to face your self-created limitations that have kept you in a stranglehold.

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